Quick, to the slutcave!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
