I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
