her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
