when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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