I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
