and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
