Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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