I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
tell me about the eggs
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
