There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
