I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Of course I have a pirate flag
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
