Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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