Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
