Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
