Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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