i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
