It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
