singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
