just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
