I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
