help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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