my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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