Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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