Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
