do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
