im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
