Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
