This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
