first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
