dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
