I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
