sorry about calling you the devil all night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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