Don't make out with my wife yet
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
