An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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