considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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