Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
