I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
