dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The power of my boobs compel you
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
FUCK WHALES
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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