what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
