so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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