Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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