I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
