My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
