Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
