i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just want nice things and good sex
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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