There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
