How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
