i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
