No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
