Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
