no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
