So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
