My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
