is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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